I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
