GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
