he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
