he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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