It's Friday. Sex?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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