I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
