i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
