Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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