i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
