think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
