his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
