Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

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(214): View more from Texas

Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"

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(770): View more from Georgia

Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives

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(813): View more from Florida

I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?

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(602): View more from Arizona

Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it

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(248): View more from Michigan

I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.

(1-248): View more from Michigan

I think we should measure in "bathtubs"

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(845): View more from New York

Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school

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(305): View more from Florida

Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion

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