Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
