It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
