i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
