What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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