no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
