Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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