So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
