Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
