oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
