Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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