She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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