Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
