Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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