Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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