How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize