In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
