I'm jealous of your bromance
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
