rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
