When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
