It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
