Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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