idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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