i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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