Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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