dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
