Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
