his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
