She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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