I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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