no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
