before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
