My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
