I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
