Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
