Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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