is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
