Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
