Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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