I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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