So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize