Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
