Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
