I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
