That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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