6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
