I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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