Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
