Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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