this beer tastes like vomit already
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize