Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
