just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
