i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
