fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
