Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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