I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
