you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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