you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
