Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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