I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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